Kate’s Story

I first came to apas 15months ago, I was in a bit of a state, my drinking had taken over and I was in real trouble of losing it all. Ironically I knew about the problems that drink could cause, my mum was a self-confessed alcoholic so I grew up with it, who knows maybe its hereditary and I “inherited it from her” or maybe I just copied her behaviour. But as my apas worker tells me, knowing the cause may not necessarily lead to a solution and I certainly don’t feel any blame or resentment towards my mum, I love her to bits.

I was working full time for the council back then, the people I worked with were great, so was the money, holidays and other benefits, but I really hated my job, it was so stressful, I was a graduate fresh out of Uni with no experience and most of the time I just felt I wasn’t up to it. After about 6mths I started going out regularly with some of the other younger crowd that worked there. We usually went out every Thursday and Saturday night, it was great, loads of drink, loads of socialising & gossiping, loads of dancing and loads of lads! Friday we would all crawl into work hung over and joke about who got in latest and looked the roughest, Sunday’s we would all gather at the pub at lunch time – hair of the dog and all that.

Don’t get me wrong; I did drink before this – partied like all students do when they are at Uni, back then I could take it or leave it and I knew when to stop, but this was different - once I started drinking I couldn’t stop. Over the year the drinking increased, being in the group meant there were always parties, pub lunches, BBQ’s, sports events or trips out – all of them involved drink, which was fine by me.

I bought a house and rented out one of the rooms to another girl in the group, it was brilliant. On nights we weren’t going out we would get back from work and crack open a bottle of wine and watch a video or sunbathe in the garden, after we finished that bottle we would inevitably open a second bottle and usually a third. I would get up the next morning feeling dog rough and depressed as hell because I had to go into work, I would always say to myself, no drink tonight but by 5pm I was gagging for it.

After about a year of this I started to look quite haggard, one of my old Uni friends commented on it, she said she was worried about me and that maybe I was drinking too much. That irritated me, yeah I drank a lot but so did everyone else in the group, it was just a social thing. I started having stomach problems so I went to the Doctor, he said I had an ulcer and I should take it easy with the drinking. Yeah right!

I suppose it all really came to a head when I met Mark, he was great, really charming and handsome, thoughtful, kind and intelligent – I was in love instantly. I stopped hanging round with the group and started spending all my time with him instead, we moved in together and I was really happy but the drinking still continued. I was so stressed after a day at work that I could only relax after a few glasses of wine.

After a while Mark started to comment on it, saying he was concerned and maybe I should cut down, he had met my Mum and I think he was worried I’d end up like her if I carried on! Worse than that when I drank it turned me into someone else – aggressive, argumentative and I only ever seemed to take it out on Mark. So I tried to cut it down and even have a few days off but I was moody all the time and inevitably it would creep back up again.

One night after a huge row Mark walked out, told me it was over, he couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t blame him, he’d put up with it for over 2yrs, I was a monster with drink and a misery without it. That night I took all the painkillers I could find in the house and swallowed them down with a bottle of wine; I’d had enough I wanted to end it all. I hated my job, I hated myself and I didn’t feel like I had anything without Mark so what was the point of carrying on. 

I woke up in hospital the next day, Mark by my side, he had come back to apologise and found me unconscious. He called the ambulance and they had taken me in and pumped my stomach, I was so ashamed, I felt like such an idiot, lucky for me there was no lasting damage. And that was the moment I decided I needed to get my life back, I wasn’t just doing it for Mark this time though, I was doing it for me.

I found apas over the Internet and used their drop in service initially. I was allocated my worker (who is an absolute star!) they did the assessment with me and that psychometric test and it went from there. My worker told me about all the options and I decided I wanted to reduce my drinking rather than stop completely. I still wanted to be able to have a drink on social occasions and I enjoyed a good glass of wine with a meal or a pint of beer on a hot day.

So I went along each week with my drinking diary and we would discuss the sort of things that made me want to have a drink such as work, stress, boredom, habit and then we looked at ways I could make changes to my life so I could cope without drinking. It was tough at first, I used to crave alcohol quite often in the early days but as I cut down and started to do other things with my time it got easier. Mark and I spent our spare time going to the gym or going walking, I do a lot of reading now and have even started gardening!

Mark has been an absolute rock through it all and to top it all off he proposed to me on my birthday last year, we are getting married this summer! My Mum has been a real help as well even though she is still drinking herself. One thing that kept bringing me down though was my job, so one day I decided to pack it all in and do something else, I started back at University last September and am doing a PGCE so I can become a Primary school teacher. The course had been tough but I’ve never once felt so bad that I felt I needed a drink.

I am so happy with my life now, thanks to apas I am in control again and my life no longer revolves around drink. I still do drink, Mark and I sometimes go out to the local pub on a Friday or Saturday night and have a couple of pints and if we go out for a meal we share a bottle of wine but I no longer need it like I used to and that feels really good!